Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
