just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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