He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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