how can u be prego again
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
There's even glitter on my cock...
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