we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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