Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
