Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
