How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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