In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
