I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
its liver damage thursday
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
