who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
