its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
