I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
