you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I puked a lego.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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