you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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