so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
