he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
