You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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