So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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