dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
