i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
