So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
