ya dads aren't the best wingmen
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
