Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She bit a glass in half.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
