You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
even my farts smell like vagina
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
