No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
