Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
