She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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