I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
