dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
