I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
