Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
