At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
