I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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