I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
