I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
