please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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