Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
