ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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