Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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