Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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