Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
