I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
