wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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