Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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