You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
