so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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