right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
