I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
