What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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